Before you met your lover you may have been looking for a big, big love for a long time. You wanted someone who understood you on an instinctive, intuitive level; someone who would adore you and be there for you, who would be your rock and your safe haven. Somehow, you ended up with some emotionally unavailable types who made you feel neglected, not well cared for.
Now, it's a good thing to learn to take care of yourself. Each of us needs to meet our own emotional needs, first and foremost; we can't just be walking chasms of need that are looking to be filled by the love of another person! That being said, each of us does need love, support, attention and affection. It's a difficult situation when we fall in love with someone who can't return the sentiment a hundred percent. This might be the case between the two of you. You could end up being more emotionally invested in the relationship than your partner; you are the one who, subtly or overtly, pushed for a commitment, for a spoken declaration of love, for greater intimacy and affection; and you may keep coming up disappointed, again and again. Instead of moving on to find someone who can love you the way you want to be loved, you might keep on pushing for it in this relationship, which creates a considerable amount of friction and tension.