You two have a hard time getting matched up in terms of your energies and your emotions. When you're feeling tuned in and affectionate, wanting to connect on an intimate level, your partner is cool and aloof, emotionally unavailable. Your sexual rhythms are off, and your timing isn't the best when it comes to finding times when you're both revved up and ready to go.
As a result, you may frequently end up feeling rejected and unloved. So why the disconnect? It isn't for lack of interest or wanting to make it work between you. Something just stands in the way of making that happen. Your own shortcomings are projected onto each other; you get mad at each other for possessing the qualities that you like least in yourselves. You both probably represent something to each other that you won't like or respect. If your lover sees you behaving irresponsibly, for example, it upsets them, because they want so much to be responsible. At times, they even go so far as to try to force you to behave how they want you to -- but that doesn't work. You just rebel against the attempts to control you, which leads to indiscriminate behavior in the name of pure rebellion. But that just doesn't solve anything, does it? At base, your partner is afraid of being rejected, no matter how long you've been together, and you're scared of being repressed -- both of which feel terrible. You two have to learn to let each other be the people you are.