Difficulties with your dear old Mum may have left you with the impression that intimacy is painful, and that deep feelings for someone only lead to loneliness and deprivation of love. Sounds pretty bleak, eh? And even worse when you've grown to be an adult, and still carry around this negative, if unconscious, expectation every time you fall in love.
This is one of those cases where you create your own reality. The very thing you fear, yet unconsciously expect, is the very thing that comes to pass. And you've got a whole list of past love affairs to prove your point. This is one sticky wicket. After all, core beliefs that were laid down into your very cells before your little tongue could even utter a word are pretty difficult to get out into the open. Difficult, but not impossible. Somehow you've got to loosen up the walls you've built around your heart. Some find this in a spiritual way, while others develop relationships with animals; still others slowly start to believe on their own, against all their misgivings, that love is possible. The important thing is to open your heart to the possibility of love. Only then will it begin to creep in, slowly but surely, to fill your heart.