You've certainly admired your past loves. There's been such a studiousness about them, a certain drive and appreciation for hard work that lit up your inner scholar. But you longed for more lightness, more fun.
Everything was a slog. Each little detail had to be nailed down and planned. Nothing was spontaneous and romantic and breathless; it was all work and no play, and that made you a dull sweetie. It's not that you didn't appreciate finding a solid, stable love mate, not after all the losers you'd been through before. Just that you would've appreciated a little more levity. There may also have been family problems that threw more bad energy in the mix. Activity is the key to smoothing the path for your future relationships. They will stagnate if you don't put real work into them. Arrange for more productive time with your ideal partner -- take a class! Get involved with a sport. With less time spent in serious discussions and more time spent just enjoying each other's company, you can start some good habits. But it's up to you to get the ball rolling. After all, you're the one who wants change.