Let's come right out and say it: You've got control issues. Sometimes they're right out there in the open but more often they seem to be triggered by factors beyond your ability to influence -- your boss, your strong-willed spouse, or a difficult living situation. If your initial attempts for overt control fail, you resort to more underhanded methods of achieving your aim.
While professing to act in others' favor, you set things up behind the scenes to benefit you, not them. You do things that affect you both but neglect to inform the other person. Or you recklessly spend mutual resources. These behaviors are rooted in your unconscious need for control and your fear that you're not strong enough to achieve it. Once this is brought out into the open, a process can be initiated whereby you'll take an honest assessment of yourself and the areas where you need to develop more inner strength. You have the potential to become a person of great inner strength and willpower, yet one who does not try to dominate others, either consciously or unconsciously. Accept the need for personal growth, and you can develop into a truly remarkable individual.