You were the life of the party, but there was a bit too much partying going on in your relationship. One of you may have been tempted to stray -- and may have given in to that temptation. The other, meanwhile, was bruised and fearful.
The unfaithful partner felt guilty but righteous; there were reasons for what happened, and they should not have been ignored. The other was so busy wallowing in hurt that nothing moved forward.If you had really wanted this relationship to survive, you would have had to break the cycle that was set up in your partnership. One of you was enjoying playing victim a bit too much. How could you have progressed when you were living life looking in the rear view mirror? The two of you had to resolve to let the past be the past. Discuss why incidents happened, and make agreements about why they wouldn't -- couldn't -- happen again. Meanwhile, you had to rekindle your fire by rediscovering why you were drawn to each other in the first place; mutual interests, sharp and similar senses of humor, sparkling conversation. That was a lot to distract you from the less spiffy sides of your relationship. By shifting your attentions you could have made your problems seem less overwhelming, and helped the past stay where it belonged.