There was a significant mismatch between you and your mate. One of you was about fourteen years older than the other, and probably better-placed and more secure than the other -- better educated? More financially successful?
Whatever the mismatch was, it caused a pattern to emerge in which the disadvantaged partner was treated like an inferior. The 'parent' ordered the 'child' around, demanded adherence to a strict set of rules, and maneuvered to make the lesser partner very dependent. Meanwhile, the rebellious 'child' felt inadequate and fearful. And both of you felt threatened by the other, insecure, pessimistic as to the future of your relationship.How could you have untied this Gordian knot of negativity? You both would have had to work concretely towards becoming more equal. The parental partner needed to back down on the authority; the childish partner had to take on new challenges and responsibility. The adjustment would not have been not easy; on the contrary, it would have been extraordinarily uncomfortable for both of you. But working through your problems would have granted an ease that would provide support for your many accomplishments, a glorious backdrop to your great works.