You felt not quite in control of yourself when you were near your lover. There were complications -- bad surprises, situations you'd rather not have been in. But you felt compelled by something unconscious to submit, to go along.
You had always been one to give in to forceful lovers, but this time it was different -- you were not making a conscious choice to go along. Instead you were drifting on a current that seemed stronger than your will, lost in emotions instead of acting from the intellectual part of yourself. Others asked you to justify your choices; you responded that you didn't even know what you were doing yourself.The reason you couldn't see clearly was that you were enacting old patterns from your past. It is only natural to want to heal from hurt by attempting to set the situation right, but you cannot change the past. You could only move forward. Casting your mate in your own little psychodrama took time away from what you should have been doing -- spending time together on equal footing. Such a feat was possible. But you would have had to curb your tendencies to submit and silence yourself. Your lover would have respected you more for standing up for yourself, and you would have been happier for it. Backbone breeds solid relationships, something to keep in mind for next time.