At times you felt like a lab rat. Was it your imagination, or did your partner kinda enjoy pushing your buttons? Your limits were tested, your reactions gravely noted.
And when you finally fell into a towering rage, your lover turned off, cutting off the interaction as swiftly as a knife blow. It all left you feeling confused and tender. But you couldn't try seeking soft comfort in the arms of your lover, who despised you for what was viewed as weakness. If it's any comfort, the problems you saw in your coupling weren't your imagination. Your lover really did have a rather cruel and secretive side, controlling and withholding. If you really wanted to make this work, the thing you had to accept was that there was a huge part of you that dug the semi-abuse. A part of you liked the challenge of trying to tame your powerful lover. You liked having a partner who wouldn't let you walk all over them. And the very fact that affection was doled out in such small doses made it so heady that you were addicted. The key was not to fight it, but submit. Go along, get along. If this wasn't what you wanted, you were smart to get out when you did. And chalk it all up to a major learning experience.