There was so much you admired about your lover. There was a studiousness to your sweetie, a certain drive and appreciation for hard work that the scholar in you responded to. But you longed for more lightness, more fun.
Everything was a slog. Each detail had to be nailed down, and planned. Nothing was spontaneous or romantic or breathless; it was all work and no play. It's not that you didn't appreciate finding a solid, stable love-mate after all the losers you'd been through. Just that you'd have appreciated a little more levity. There may also have been family problems -- one of you was on the outs with a father, or another male relative? The problem threw more bad energy in the mix. Action was the key to smoothing the path for you two. Your relationship stagnated because you didn't put real work into it. You needed to arrange for more productive time together -- take a class? Get involved with a sport? Less time spent in serious discussions, and more time spent just enjoying each other's company, could have started some good habits. But it was up to you to get the ball rolling.