There's so much you admire about your lover. There's a studiousness to your sweetie, a certain drive and appreciation for hard work that the scholar in you responds to. But you long for more lightness, more fun.
Everything's a slog with your lover. Everything has to be planned and nailed down. Nothing is spontaneous and romantic and breathless; it's all work and no play. It's not that you don't appreciate finding a solid, stable love-mate after all the losers you've been through. It's just that you'd appreciate a little more levity. There may also be family problems -- one of you is on the outs with a father, or another male relative? The problem throws more bad energy in the mix. Action is the key to smoothing the path for you two. Your relationship will stagnate if you don't put real work into it. Arrange for more productive time together -- take a class or get involved with a sport. Less time spent in serious discussions, and more time spent just enjoying each other's company, can start some good habits. But it's up to you to get the ball rolling. After all, you're the one who wants change.