All of us unconsciously seek out people and experiences that will teach us the karmic lessons that we need to learn, and if you and your partner stay together past the initial attraction, you'll find that this is, in part, why you've entered their life -- to help them learn a karmic lesson at a deep, transformative level. They depend on certain systems, structures and rules to make them feel secure, as if life is moving along in a way that's logical and therefore understandable to them. And one reason you'll come into their life is for the express purpose of shaking up those systems and forcing your lover to accept that a sense of security isn't always the most important thing.
This experience will scare them as well as excite them, and could shock them, especially if you're too forceful in resisting all their rules and turning their systems on end. Relationships are supposed to be about cooperation, after all, and give-and-take. That may be part of the lesson of this affair for you: to learn how to be gentle with someone even when you think they need a good shakeup in order to evolve at a personal level. This journey will be one of struggle for both of you, at least at first. Your lover will see you as destructive rather than helpful, and you may see them as stuck, limited -- all the things you don't want to be. Once you both recognize, however, that you each represent to the other a facet of your own personality, then you'll be able to start the process of mutual healing and growth.